Healthy relationships require one important thing—whether they are between partners, friends, colleagues, or members of a community. That one thing is authenticity. If you do not have a healthy relationship with yourself, in which you honour who you truly are, you will forever be on a weak foundation in your relationships, and in conflict with your authentic self, undermining honesty, commitment, trust, and success in your relationship.
Your inner growth or self-development prepares you for successful relationships. That success is not measured by how long your relationship has lasted, or by how much the other person gives you what you want. Successful relationships are measured by how well two people can join together and support each other to be more themselves. That means that the relationship honours both people’s potential to embody their authentic selves and to fulfill their potential, their life purpose, and their self-realisation.
By building a relationship with your true self before you enter a relationship, and continuing that process during your relationship, you will attract and enjoy a successful and healthy relationship. By respecting and supporting that process in the other person as well as your self, you can become more yourself in the relationship, and more yourself because of the relationship. And you will be giving a great blessing to the other person.
How can you truly relate to others when you are not being yourself? Relationships often falter, or never get started properly in the first place, because of a conflict of values or because of unmet needs. This can lead to frustration, resentment, arguments, incompatibility, and a lack of trust and commitment. Even worse, we can drift passively through the relationship, not acknowledging our true needs or speaking up for them, which is ultimately self-destructive. This happens in a codependent relationship, where we sacrifice our own needs and allow ourselves to be controlled by the unhealthy needs of another person.
In a healthy relationship your authentic needs and values are identified and communicated before and during the relationship, as a result of your inner growth and self-development, so that you are embodying your true self and are attracting the other person to you because of who you truly are. By attracting someone to you who respects and values your true self and your authentic needs, you allow a healthy relationship to form and to bear fruit. For this reason in my work as a consultant, I always help my clients to understand how their authentic needs and values are their compass for their life journey, and I then support them to discover these needs and values to guide them to a better life in which they can find the authentic, healthy relationships they dream of. This all begins with finding your true self.
Often we will attract and engage in relationships reactively. Have you ever welcomed a new and promising relationship into your life only to find out later that there are cracks beneath the wallpaper, that there are deep incompatibilities, and that the relationship evaporates very soon after the initial heady period of romance? This happens when we are driven by our unconscious impulses to have our self-worth affirmed, to feel wanted, and to be intimate—all of which stem from unresolved inner states of low self-worth and loneliness. The relationship may have little to do with honouring our authentic self. Then we wake up to this fact and are glad when we get out of the relationship. But until we address our unconscious impulses, which is done through the healing process of discovering and embodying our authentic self, and through self-inquiry and mindfulness, we risk repeating the pattern of being drawn into unhealthy relationships.
If you would like further support developing authentic relationships and progressing in your self-development, consider booking a FREE Inner Wellness Session with me. To schedule a talk, workshop, seminar, or interview, click here.
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